I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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