i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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