Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
