I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
