apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
My bed smells like the plague
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
