Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
