She is in my trunk
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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