Will you blow on my dice?
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
