The maid of honor just puked.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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