A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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