A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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