sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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