Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
The Olympian is in my bed
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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