Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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