Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
