I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
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