I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
