you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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