do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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