Just fell off a train. Bad.
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Are we still banned from the library?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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