Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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