No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I skipped work to stalk him.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
