we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
