Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
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If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I don't deserve a penis
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
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I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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