just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
