yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
