I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
