She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
