Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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