You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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