So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
