that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
