i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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