He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
