It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
