so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
