i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
