i was born a porn star she said
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
