I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
