oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
