I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
