Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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