So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
