never play flip cup with pint glasses
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Randomize
