I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
