i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
