His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
did you just send me my own nude
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
