Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
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just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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