Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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