yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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