I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
We were destined to go to rehab together
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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