I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
This house was built for laser tag.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
