Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
