talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
