i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
