Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
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I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
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Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
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