And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
