Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
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