I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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