There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
