If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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