I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
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