Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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